I want to be a porch man

Ever since i was young we used to walk past porch man's house and he would case us down the street yelling obsenities and threatening to eat us with his pet chickens. I decided i wanted to be angry, alone, have a very long beard, scary to kids and part of local horror stories when i was 35. Then i learnt that you have to do a Bachelor of Arts to get such a job. Oh well i'll do the next best thing and become a primary school teacher.