Possum Hurling

Yet another popular pass time in porchman circles, possum hurling is a simple enough concept. You wait for a possum to fall out of your tree of off your roof (if you can't find a possum use your filthy cat which hang around all porchmen), your grab it and shave it's bottom and feed it many laxatives and put a cork in the unmentionable place and wait for an ignorant school student in their nice uniform to kiss their mummy goodbye, unplug your possum and throw it.

I enjoy barking

Ever stuck your head out the window of a speeding car and barked madly at people walking the streets, It's now my favourite game, you get amazing reactions, we have one kid who walks to school at the same time every morning who when we pass him in the car looks like someone who is scared of dogs looks at a house they know a dog at.
The conentions of the game.
In acending order points are awarded for

• A confused glance of head
• Disruption to movement patern (e.g. a walker stops walking etc)
• dropping of bags
• falling off bike
• getting a walker with a dog to loss controll of the animal.
• Inducing total fear in a child
• getting someone to stalk angryly after you
• Making a kissing couple accedently bite each.
• a five or more group reaction

Do Not Bark if:

• stopped at red light
• They are near or in a faster or bigger car
• they have a gun
• in any situation that means you are traveling at a speed at which the target can catch you.

Don't talk to me i just want to Catch the Bus

One of the other things a porchman does beside being angry at people and chasing kids away from his house is catch public transport to nowhere being grumpy throughout. I was having fun doing this until i found that to be the oddest person on the bus i had to expose myself to the bus driver when he asked where i was going, on this particular bus even my friend Bus Bum looked pretty average. So a few things to any odd people i saw on the bus last week... No I am not rasist it's just that you were completely drunk and sluring your speech that i could only understand one in three sentences you spoke. Sorry man but a pizza delivery boy will have a hard time finding "a bus somewhere between lithgow and Bathurst." Third guy what was your crime anyway, murder agrivated by a blogist or something. And lastly JUST BECAUSE YOU FALL ASLEEP ON THE BUS DOESN'T MEAN U CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME SEXUALLY!!!

Everyone in my Tutorial group has their Dong out

My Tut group is a sausage fest that means there are more boys then girls 1st week i got lost and my friend said "just follow the sausages" I didn't realise what he ment until i noticed that everyone in my tut group also had their sausage exposed. Last weekend i went to a Barbeque (and now the funny inuendo punch line) onions make me cry.

Wierd Things Happen.

It is not easy being stalked by the celtic god of oddity because your scotish lengend ancestor accedently ate his favorite druid. Incredible random things happen, yesterday i was driving along when a Hippopotomus in a McGregor kilt feel from the sky onto the bonnet of the car ahead of us flipping the car, then the giant cry of "MISSED THE FIRETRUCKER" could be heard throughout the town, next thing i knew five goons were trying to steal the flipped car and i was standing next to them in my birthday suit weilding a claymore, oh well such is life and all that. The doctor said they would be fine once we find a head donor