Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I'll Have Some Spam


One of the hardest things with being a porch man is keeping up with Modern jargon.
For Example Spam. I Love Spam, i think spam is great, it's meaty and mooshy and sometimes you get little congealed bits which are YUM. I Heard some people complaining about how they keep getting spam in their email and i thought "great you can send squigy food products through you computer" I look on sites all over and couldn't get any to send some spam, i only got some dodgy adds, lots of them, so i tried to send some spam to my friend i placed it in the CD drive and my computer didn't work for weeks. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE SEND ME SOME SPAM

Saturday, June 16, 2007

How to make a heavy content, teenage, beach, soapy-drama in a few easy steps.

Step 1: Alot of snogging. You thought it would be find a beach. WRONG. if you have enough snogging the teens will think your close enough to a beach
Step 2: Find a beach that is in perpetual sunlight, even at ten at night when those naughty beach parties start.
Step 3: More Snogging. You should try to end each episode (or at least 3/4 if the 4th has a particularly heavy ending) with a montage of at least 3 couples snogging.
Step 4: Beach Parties 1/3 episodes should have a beach party 1/3 beach parties should have some sought of involvement with the cops 1/3 run in with the cops should end in a serious bust. So 1/27 episodes have a cop bust of a beach party.
Step 5: Drugs, it is a heavy drama. The hardest drug is only aloud to be pot (it is only a teen drama). The main dealer (who is incidently the oldest person on the show) is disalusioned and heartless. Secondary dealers are all guys with good intents but need cash for big plans and go the wrong way about it.They get in trouble with authorities, girlfriends, teachers, bestfriends, big dealer basically everyone
Step 6: Serious snogging. At the end of a heavy cycle have a great massive snogging scene with some shirt removal
Step 7: Upwards age limit of 35 (except main dealer roughly 40) Everyone in the show is self sufficent with no need for parents unless they were young parents (15 when the had their child so 33 now) the young parents a stuffed up too. The second oldest is the local cop or the local doctor, both are fresh out of the academy or med school due to the enemies they make the drama of a beach town and the upper age limit they are cycled every 2 years at least. they are also the sole voices of reason in the town, next are the teachers, often ex students in the town and always fresh out of teachers college the rest of the population are college students or HS students, Except for 1 much loved 9yo girl.
Step 8: The last character is vital he is pro-surfer. He wants to make his living from eXtreme vids and world circuit surfing. He gets injured at least once a fortnight and seriously (frature, KO, incapacitated) every two mounths and once a year he gets himself a coma . ALWAYS disobeys doctors orders and ALWAYS hurts himself further and misses a comp because of it.
Step 9: Huge amounts of Beach party serious snogging. Last or 2nd last episode of the year (depending if you want an EXPLOSIVE finale') at least three couples leave the beach party (this one has the cop but no bust) and go to a secret place (not the same place one for each couple) and have some long drawn out shirt removing snogging.
Final Step: The Name: A location is good or make up a name for the town, either something to do with water or fruits is a good place to start. DO NOT name the show "A teenage soapy with oodles of snogging in it"

Friday, June 15, 2007

My adoring fan base


Wondering why i haven't blogged in so long? I'll give you three hints: Paris Hilton, Prison, James Spader as my lawer. Simple enough thought so. Now that we have the pleasentries out of the way down to some serious business... ... ... Ok i just have to complain you think nothing could be worse then being a pennyless porchman, well there is, being a millionaire(ess) . See when pennyless porch man goes to prison he can play the same porchman games (except there are less possums) Catchup with some school friends and get out earlie on parole. AND they can have a bit of a cry without the worlds media going on about. I just have one question: why was i, an australian male, sharing a cell with lindsay lohan and paris.