Mash Potato is EVIL

Why don't people understand when i tell them i hate mash potato, you take anyones most hated vegtable and turn it to liquid and of course they won't like it and whats more potatos deserve oil when they are cooked and also to be covered in salt. Another thing mash potato is finding new guises to invade: smashed potato, crushed potato, potato mash, slushy potato, broken potato, liquified potato, and desicrated potato where will it end

You don't know shame OK

I have had many embarrising moments, including drowning in a pond of duck-weed, being caught eating dog food, having the whole town stare at me while i was stuck in a tree house too scared to get down. However I wake up every morning knowing i have never been starpped stark naked to greyhound track rabbit with my bum painted lime green, something i thanked God for daily. Well until last weekend, damn bucks night, and i didn't even know the groom.

Being thrown from a car.

The person who gives me a lift to uni hates me. She may not know it but she does. Probably because i laugh at posts from people who say they hate her. I started to figure it out when she set me on fire and threw me out of the car on the highway i fell out in front of a cattle truck, i am alright though. She said 'never sit in front of that person who sits behind me again' but unless i sit in the back row like arebel thats impossible.

Kilts are good

One day i was running around the scottish highlands crying out for freedom when i realised "I have all the freedom i need, my balls are blowing free in the wind i should not wear pants more often" Go to notwearingpants

I want to be a porch man

Ever since i was young we used to walk past porch man's house and he would case us down the street yelling obsenities and threatening to eat us with his pet chickens. I decided i wanted to be angry, alone, have a very long beard, scary to kids and part of local horror stories when i was 35. Then i learnt that you have to do a Bachelor of Arts to get such a job. Oh well i'll do the next best thing and become a primary school teacher.