101 uses for an Overwieght Brazillian Football player Superstar.

1. World Championship weightlifting Wieght
2. Papper weight (may break desk)
3. Consuming oposition fullbacks. (there are rules against biting but not swallowing whole).
4. Comic relief.
5. Playing the "how many fat jokes can the commentator make" game
6. Writing about on childish Blogs.
7. Feeling better about yourself (i might not be an international football star but at least i'm not that fat)
8. Confusing linesmen. "i can't tell if he was offside he was a meter in front of the last defender but a meter behind him at the same time."
9. Masking attacking runs.
10. Using as a big ball for two year old children with not much coordination.
Okay i can't get 101 but leave a comment if you think of any more.

On a More Serious note Go the Soccerroos

Ole' Ole' Ole' Ole', Ole' Ole', Ole' Ole' Ole' Ole', Ole' Ole'!
Incidentally Croatia broke a record with Simunic collecting three yellow cards in one game staying on the feild five minutes after recieving the second, I could be wrong but i saw it and so did the commentator and my brother and everyone else we were watching with, I will pay $100 to anyone who can break that record (barring a rule change allowing more cautions).
My only problem now is that if we beat Italy the Mafia will send even more death squades.
Ole' Ole' Ole' Ole', Ole' Ole', Ole' Ole' Ole' Ole', Ole' Ole'!

Door for sale

My neighbor is also a porchman he was selling his door for $25AU he figured since he lived on a porch he didn't need his door anymore anyway. I wanted to buy it but i was content with my five as the Mafia hadn't sent a death squad for the last two weeks. Dear Fat Tony how was i ment to know it was Fat Tony not Obese Antonio I'm sorry already and i never said those things about your mum so stop trying to remove me. Never ever call a Mafia Don Obese. At least i didn't call him Overweight Fred.

I Was 13 what did you expect

For three months in 2000 i had a crush on Nikki Webster. She was more stary than all the people mum wanted me to have a crush on and she wasn't 12 years older than me like all the people my friends had crushes on and also more attainable because she lived in sydney not in sweden and she wasn't a million dollar tennis player or engaged. But still they called me crazy. Now she does a shoot for FHM and 40 year old lonely men are aloud to goo nuts over her but i am still not aloud to have a crush, I shall lement in latin Semper Ubei Sub Ubei. By the way Aaz congrats on your marrage to Anna she is a little old but that Swedish accent is cool.

Chips and Gravy

Why is it that when you go into a cafe' and ask for chips because you brought your own gravy people give you odd looks, it's not as if i asked for bread i brought my own bacon lettice and tomato, then of couse the mafia are always watching you waiting for you to spill a little bit of gravy at which point they'd wipe their expensive suits in it and say now you'll wake up with a horse head in your bed haha.

The Day Me and Freud got married

One day i was doing my favorite thing, randomly proposing to people, when i accidently proposed to Sigmund Freud and he said yes, i didn't want to say i was just joking and look like i was uncommited or a heartbreaker so i went along with it. On night i told him about the dream where i get attacked by a man eating telekinetic giraffe and he had the nerve to say i was afraid of genitailia and am still stuck in the phalic stage. I couldn't take that so we devorced and in the insuing lawsuit i won the right to be called the father of modern psychology, not a bad outcome.